Thursday, November 16, 2006

The Story of BFNM - Part 12

Sunday night BFNM and I had dinner at his daughter's home. I enjoyed a wonderful meal, non-stop conversation that moved out to the lanai for dessert and then three more hours spending time with each other. Even though his daughter needed to get up early the next day for work and his granddaughter had to go to school there was no "rush" to the evening. At one point BFNM asked his daughter what she thought of me - Oh Dad, we love her she's like one of us. Which his granddaughter concurred. It made me feel so good. He then asked what she thought of the evening before - Well we could tell right off that Two Roads didn't like DDG and vice versa. I asked if DDG didn’t like me because I took the opposing side of the issues discussed. We all burst out laughing - because they are so use to someone at the table always being the devil's advocate in order to provoke deeper conversations. Leaving Florida was hard. I knew that BFNM had a big decision to make. Not about whether he would break up rather, he had to decide when he would break up. On the ride to the airport he commented to me how since I had been in town how much calmer he had felt. I told him it’s because we just are that way with each other. We accept each other’s difficulties. “Get over it” is not apart of our vocabulary. We can vent, we can be up, we can be down and we can just be with each other. He touched my heart. Occasionally he gives me butterflies. I just put those butterflies away.

You might just wonder how I can just push my feelings to the side. I can push them away because I know what happens to every woman that chases BFNM; they’re history. As I have told all my friends, what BFNM gives me in terms of friendship is beyond anything I have ever received from other men. When we first started hanging out together, we had a brief discussion of keeping romance and friendship separate. He told me he would be afraid of messing things up between us. We have come a long way in terms of time and closeness since that initial discussion. I had initiated the first discussion way back when. If he wants to change the game, he needs to initiate the next discussion. As I have also told my friends, if he chooses to have a relationship with someone else and it works then he was not meant to be with me. If I choose to have a relationship with someone else and it works, then I was not meant to be with him. However, we will always have each other. I am just an old-fashioned want to be chased and wooed realistic girl. He’s actually an old-fashioned guy who wants to chase and capture the love of his life. I will let him do that. True, I may not be that person.

So, DDG took the road trip to California. She had an 8 day period to go see her father for “what could be the last time.” She took 6 days driving there all the while sending emails about what a fabulous time she was having with her sister. Never did the emails contain any information concerning her father’s condition. When she finally got to California came the email about how her stepbrother admonished her for pouring on the tears after taking a road trip when she could have been there much sooner. She wanted BFNM to be sympathetic but he couldn’t be since he believed that her stepbrother was right. She spent about 6 hours with her father in the two days she had in California. She claimed she would probably release all her tears on BFNM’s shoulder upon her return to Florida. She returned but there were no tears.

I don’t know about other people however, I suppose I would have expected some kind of reaction upon seeing my “boyfriend” (even if we were currently living separately) at the airport when I returned from such an “emotional” trip. I am the type of person that if I am that emotionally wound up; the moment I am touched by someone I consider close to me, I become a waterfall. There was no waterfall. There was no indication of tears. It was a wake up call to BFNM. Ending the relationship had to be sooner rather than later. DDG had told BFNM that he was invited to a high school band contest on Saturday night and she needed to know whether he was coming or not. He had to let her know by Thursday. Well, on that Thursday instead of responding to the invitation, he sent the “Dear DDG” letter.

I tried to talk him out of sending the letter via email. I said she would be hurt. I said it was very impersonal. I said sit with her and let her read the letter and give her a chance to respond in person. I still believed at this point in all that he told me about how rational and reasonable a person she was. He said he knew how these things went. It would not go well if he did this in person. He wanted to prevent any bad words from being said. He designed his email in such a manner that he took all the blame for changed feelings. He said he only had platonic feelings and didn’t see those feelings changing back to romantic. He never said anything about any other issues that had bothered him. He didn’t want to attack her self-esteem by pointing out deficiencies in her character. He saw no point because he believed that perhaps one day they could at least be good acquaintances. I asked him what he would do if she called after receiving the email. He said he would listen to her. I asked if he was prepared to talk more deeply about the platonic feelings. He said he was. I asked if he was prepared for her to tell him to move out of the rental unit. He said he was. He believed she would wait a day or so before calling to get her thoughts together.

BFNM was wrong. About an hour after sending his email, he received the call from DDG. He said it did not go well and the worst part was when she said “get you and your sh*t out of my rental unit” and hung up. He called me shortly thereafter. Truth be told, I was spot on with everything I thought she would want to discuss. I told him that from the little interaction I had with DDG I knew her modus operandi. He wanted to know how I pegged her reactions. I said because while DDG may be older she acts, as someone in her late 20’s where it concerns her relationship maturity. I told BFNM it was as if I was looking at myself oh so long ago. It was scary and eye opening to me at the same time.


Swishy said...

You're really OK with it if you just stay friends for the rest of your lives? I guess that is a healthy attitude. It would torture me. But, then again, I guess it's not like it's never come up, huh?

Two Roads said...

Swishy - if I pine for more than being friends my heart would ache. So I need to stay appreciative of the friendship because that may just be how it is. Don't get me wrong - there are days where I do want more and it is hard. But I love so much of what I do have with BFNM and nothing will take that away.

Anonymous said...

Who knows maybe he will see that you are perfect for him... I sense that others already see that...

Anonymous said...

Maybe one day he will realize that you are the one?? I sense that others already see that... You are great friend to him.... He's lucky... Does he read your blog??

Two Roads said...

RR - I have only told one person about my blog and they never read it. I have thought about telling him but then I like the freedom of talking about whatever I want.

Perhaps one day he will realize he's got more than meets the eye. I believe it will be one of his family members that will point it out to him and that will be the turning point. Until then, we continue to grow closer.