The Story of BFNM - Part 11

As you all know from my post: So What’s Your Opinion my meeting with DDG was a bust. To summarize the previous post, BFNM tried Thursday and Friday to have a quick get together with the three of us. DDG would have nothing to do with it. Saturday, he invited her to meet us for lunch but she declined. She did say she would be over early for a cocktail before going to dinner with us at his sister's house. She made it for cocktails but was late which in turn made us late for dinner. At 11pm in the middle of a perfectly fun evening that seemed like it would go on for another couple of hours, she declared it was late, she was tired and it was time to go. World record for saying goodbye and thanking everyone for a wonderful evening - three minutes. DDG did not direct one bit of the conversation to me in the car ride back to the rental unit. Since she had made it clear that she was tired, when we entered the rental unit I said thanks for a nice evening, good night and went directly to my room. She stayed the night.

The next morning they emerged from their room about 9:45am. She had made coffee for herself. BFNM told me later she was pissed because he didn’t want to lounge around in bed with her. He told her that he had company and that it would be rude for them to pick this day to stay in bed late. When I went to go fix myself a cup, BFNM was in the process of fixing a cup for him and me. Therefore, I went back into the living room to make conversation. DDG greeted me by sitting with a newspaper in front of her face. Therefore, I picked up the local newspaper to find something to talk about, spotted an ad for her company and made a comment. The next thing I know she is getting a computer to go sit out on the lanai. Now we couldn't all go out there to sit because there were three of us with only two comfortable chairs. Neither BFNM nor I wanted to sit outside when she obviously wanted to ignore us while she worked on the computer.

Unbeknownst to me at the time she was actually putting together her road trip across the USA. I inquired if it was necessary for her to work on the computer since she and I would only had this morning together. His response was - "she has this schedule thing about Sundays and she never deviates not even for me.” An hour and half later she came back inside. She now decides she has to download pictures on her other computer. I stayed in the living room while she figured it out. I tried to engage her in conversation but I don't particularly care to speak to someone's back as she was working on her computer. In the meantime, BFNM went to get ready so we could run our errands before dinner at his daughter’s that evening. When he emerged from the bedroom, she retreated to change her clothes. I felt it was more appropriate to say goodbye face to face rather than yelling it from the door while exiting. I had to go into the master bedroom closet to say goodbye and thank her for letting me stay at the rental unit. BFNM wanted me to meet DDG because the feedback he was getting from his daughter, granddaughter, sister and brother in law was not positive. The purpose of him moving to the rental unit was to provide space to see if from a distance he could see what everyone else was seeing in their relationship dynamics. BFNM had always told me what a rational and reasonable person DDG was. He always described her in a favorable light. Even when describing his continued displeasure with this living situation and relationship, I never felt that DDG would be so cold and insecure.

Well I never had any indication of the coldness/insecurity until she threw it in my face and when BFNM put everything on the table during lunch on Sunday. DDG, along with her son, doesn’t believe in bathing on the weekend. Did you know that taking a dip in the pool is cleansing? DDG sees nothing wrong with walking barefoot outside her home and then getting into bed with her dirty, germy feet. DDG sees nothing wrong with proposing marriage or giving a detail description of the type of engagement ring she prefers. DDG had an intense need to establish nicknames for her and BFNM. Her favorite thing to call BFNM was “Baby”. (Sorry, I wanted to throw up the first time I heard her call him Baby. The way she drew out the word and put a southern twang to it was what made me nauseous. Again, I got the feeling if DDG really understood BFNM she would not call him Baby. He’s an adult man not a baby. Naturally, we are all babies to our parents but not to our significant other. I’m just saying. Some of you might not mind the affectionate term “Baby.” The term is surely something I would never use and if you could have seen the cringe on BFNM’s face, you would know he didn’t care for the term either.)

DDG tries too hard to sound intelligent. The result is she ends up sounding unintelligent because she doesn’t know how to properly use words or ideas in the correct context of the conversation at hand. Her favorite thing to do to “show her intelligence” is to use a business concept when referencing something personal thinking that the two have something in common. DDG likes to be in control of everything from getting out of bed; going to bed; to what to do during the day; to when and where she will make her presence; or to how she runs a relationship. BFNM told me that DDG had admitted to him that she had been chasing him for almost 4 years. My analysis is that she had built this dream world around how this relationship was going to work. He walked into her 5th year of a relationship without warning. No wonder she was ready to get married within three months when she proposed to BFNM. It wouldn’t surprise me if she had the wedding dress already picked out since she obviously had given a lot of thought to the engagement ring. BFNM also indicated that after 6 months the relationship intimacy was going downhill. The intimacy was practically non-existence even to the point that their kisses were that of something you have with a platonic friend.

I definitely got an earful about the intricacies of what was going on in BFNM’s head. I told him that while it appeared intellectually he knew it would be the right thing to do to end the relationship; emotionally he was just not prepared to hurt DDG’s feelings. No matter how soft he wanted to let her down there was going to be hurt feelings. Until he could accept that DDG would be hurt he should find away to make the best of the situation.