Wednesday, October 18, 2006

This should have been a good day

Today I had a job interview. The first in what seems like months other than the interviews I go to at the various headhunter shops around town. I have an interview tomorrow with another company and then next Tuesday a screening interview with an accounting firm for their client.

So why am I so down? I think I have change of season aches. Yesterday I never left my condo, sat on the sofa under the slow revolving ceiling fan, watched the rain, surfed the web, read my 50+ blogs - some more than once, and began thinking about what I am going to have to do in the next few weeks if I job doesn't come through. The combination of the cold air being blown around and a sadness overtaking me has probably contributed to a sore throat today. I actually thought about cancelling the interview. It is not the most ideal job as far as location (almost 40 miles one-way from where I live) but other aspects of the job seem appealing (challenges, different industry from anything I have been involved with before , and opportunity to be involved with strategy). I just couldn't get excited about it.

Tomorrow, my interview is suppose to last anywhere from 2 1/2 -3 hours. This is for a job at a company that provides people for high level accounting positions (senior controllers, CFOs, COO, etc.) on an outsourced basis. The appeal of this position is it will provide a variety that has been lacking in my previous positions, I can work for companies and if I don't like what I am doing I can finish my project and move on to the next company and project, and I can build a network with those in the firm. What annoys me about this company is the slowness in making decisions. It has taken 2 1/2 months from the initial screening interview to get this second (and hopefully last) interview with the senior executives at the local office. I was strangled at my last job with the hurry up and wait mentality of people who profess to be professional business people and can't perform.

The interview next week is with the accounting firm of a client that needs a position filled. The CFO is looking for their replacement and this sounds too good to be true. The company meets all of the criteria I came up with my career coach - non-public company, >$100M in revenues, >200 employess, good reputation in the community, succession planning in place for all key positions, and access to strategic planning. In addition, the company is located within 10 miles of my condo. If I can make it past the accounting firm, I might have a shot at this one. Do I get my hopes up or do I put up a good front of hope so as to not be let down again?

Interesting how the voice over from One Tree Hill fit my mood tonight:

There comes a time when every life goes off course, in this moment who will you be? Will you let down your defenses and find solace in someone unexpected? Will you reach out? Will you face your greatest fears bravely and move forward with faith or will you succumb to the darkness in your soul?

I won't succumb to the darkness of my soul - I've been there before and I have the strength and fortitude to never return; however I do need to find some direction. I need to be productive for myself. I need to figure out what I want to do with my life. Or do I? So many of my friends are unhappy in their jobs or where they are in their life. Is this the mid-life crisis I have so often heard about? I suppose naively I always thought mid-life crisis meant menopause, empty-house syndrome, and changing relationships. The one thing I thought would be an anchor which everthing could hold on to would be my profession. I surely don't live to work. I do need to work to live though. I find the uncertainty in the environment in the world in which we live to be quite unsettling. I am sure that general uncertainty contributes to the uncertainty I have felt in my own life, the lives of my friends and family and even in many of the blogs that I read.

I wish I could have said today was a good day. I just can't. There is tomorrow.

6 comments:

Churlita said...

How scary that must be for you. I'm sorry to hear you had such a bad day. As much as I bitch about my job, I would freak-out not to have one. It sounds like you have a lot of leads. I'm sure you will find something soon. good luck.

Swishy said...

I hear ya. I sort of find myself in the same boat. Just breathe and wait for it pass. It will, eventually. It always does, even if it doesn't seem like it.

I hope your interview tomorrow goes well!

Two Roads said...

Thanks Swishy for the encouragement and I totally agree with it passing.

Viscountess of Funk said...

Listen up because I am an old sod and have been there. Believe me. I was a law school graduate (night school hack) with a mortgage and no prospects. I finally went to a temp agency and signed up to stand at a copy machine all day to pay the bills. And my six-figure student loans. Seriously. I finally got to the "acceptance" part of the grief stage (it wasn't actually as bad as "grief" but you know what I mean. I was resolved that I had to accept my circumstances and make the best of them) when I got a job. It wasn't the best job in the world, on paper, but I had an instinct. INSTINCT. (And it was the only option.) So I took it. It was the wisest decision of my life after marrying my husband. I have been extremely happy during the past twelve years, and would do it all over again.

My point? If you have to temp, temp. The right thing will come along when you are meant to have it come along. Things work out the way they're supposed to. And trust your gut.

(Sorry so long. Pft.)

Two Roads said...

VOF - the barista job at Starbucks is looking pretty good right now!

Seriously though, if nothing comes of these last interviews I will be putting myself out there to temp. You're correct in saying it's not easy but I do have to pay my mortgage and bills because I don't have the luxury of a trust fund or significant other's income.

Thanks for the proverbial kick in the butt!

Paperback Writer said...

No, don't succumb. You can do it! Seriously, you can't sit around all day and read blogs. You'll get crosseyed.
:)