Sunday, March 04, 2007

Dumped the Hardbody

Well I have been quiet for good reason. I have been giving Hardbody time to decide what kind of boyfriend he wanted to be. Friday night was the end. It's just too hard to be in a relationship with him. It's not fun.

Here's the setup - he emails me on Wednesday and asks if I would like to do a movie at my place. I agree. Thursday night he emails me as asks if he can sleep over Friday night because he has an early morning meeting near my place. My first reaction is - WTF? So I proceed to try to find out why he believes he's going to be at my place so late that he would have to stay the night. Personally, I don't care. The sofa (which Neil so eloquently wrote about at mundane-mundane) is quite comfortable and adequate for any friend for a night. So first I ask if he's still has his cold and he says no (thinking maybe he wants a little TLC - ok that's not it). I then tell him his cold is gone because he gave it to me (thinking maybe he will offer a little pampering to me) so I ask him who's coming over Friday night - friend Hardbody or boyfriend Hardbody because I sensed I wasn't going to be at my best and I wanted to know what to expect from the guy that showed up. He responds: Your friend who'd like to talk out the couple pending between us. So I respond: Well as a friend you are more than welcome to stay but on the sofa. As a boyfriend, better, upgraded accomodations are available. His response then annoyed me: Very funny (_e=mc2_); a woman's gotta protect herself. (For those that don't get the emoticon emails the e=mc2 bit translates to "smartass"). I was not amused and didn't respond.

He then switches gears on me and writes: Hugs only, tomorrow. I'll help you get rid of it as best I can. So I asked what time he planned on coming over and tell him I have taken out some chicken and we can fix dinner before the movie. He says that sounds good and please pick up the movie. What? He asked me to pick up the movie. Did I read that correctly? Wasn't he the one that suggested movie night at my condo? Why was I expected to pick up the movie? Did I misunderstand something in the invite? So I write: Why am I getting the movies? Blockbuster is not convenient to anywhere I drive. Besides this was your suggestion. I just offered to make dinner. You ready for this, his response: I was not aware; I'll p/u the movies. Second reaction - WTF!

Yes, fans - it gets better. Friday around 1:30pm I receive the following email: Two Roads, looking forward to an evening with u tonite. If u want to share wine, please p/u a bottle @ target on your way home. Do I need to bring a bag of veggies to make w/dinner tonite? I am not kidding you guys - this is verbatim how this man writes. Again, I ask - why am I now being "reminded" to pick up wine if I want to share it? Was he being thoughtful for the suggestion? Was he trying to tell me he would like some wine with dinner and that I should provide that too? I have no idea. I responded with: I have everything if you drink red wine. Let me know if red is ok.

Now, how many of you pick out your wine at Target? Not me. I didn't even know Target had a wine section. I don't buy my groceries at Target much less wine so this would be a new experience for me. However, when I do buy my wine, I get it either from Kroger, Publix, Whole Foods or the liquor store. So for those who get their wine at Target I sincerely apologize for being ignorant about making such purhases. What really got me was the manner in which the suggestion was made. "If you want to share wine, please p/u a bottle". What if I didn't want to share the bottle of wine would I still have to pick it up? Did I have to get the wine from Target? What if I wanted just a glass of wine, would that have been okay? Again, the manner of his communication with me leaves me confused.

When he finally arrived - late. I didn't say a word. He agreed to meet at my condo at 6pm on a Friday night. The worst traffic night of the week. For someone who claims they are so considerate and street smart they would know that extra travel time would be involved especially since they were picking up the movie before coming to my condo so that they would arrive within 10 or 15 minutes of the 6pm time frame. 45 minutes late. I repeat, I didn't say a word. I had the salad made, the veggies ready for the microwave, the chicken marinating and the wine open and breathing.

So I thought I would start the evening off with - which guy has shown up - the friend or the boyfriend. He asked if I really wanted to get into the conversation before dinner. I said it didn't bother me. He proceeded to tell me all the things he likes about me and then the one thing he doesn't like about me - I'm not a hardbody - nor do I aspire to be one. He asked if that was wrong for him to think that way? I said no, it wasn't wrong, if that is what he truly needed then it was not for me to say it was wrong. I told him that I didn't think it was realistic as he had yet to find any woman (other than me) that had as many of the other qualities that he needed too. I told him that while my physical attraction preference was to date men that are 6'1" or taller with brown hair I did not find him unattractive because he is 5'9" with greying black hair. When I find someone unattractive it has more to do with their character, morals, ethics or intelligence and not so much their physical attributes. True, I couldn't date someone who is morbidly obese - I'm human not a saint. But I could and am friends with several people who are very overweight much as I am friends with blacks, hispanics, catholics, jews, mormons, younger people, older people, tall people, short people, and thin people. So I could understand that if he didn't want to date me because I didn't meet his physical attribute test it just didn't matter any more. I didn't care. He's not getting any younger and to have such strict expectations on someone he was only setting himself up for a life of being alone. I posed the scenario that he would find that hardbody woman and she would end up having an ex-husband and three kids - then what was he going to do? Well, naturally while he would finally be physically attracted to that person he didn't like the idea of the ex and kids. I told him that there was always going to be something like that. I suggested he needed to grow up. I told him that he and I were just not in the same place. I have a more realistic expectation of what a man should be for me. And if he happens to have an ex-wife, kids and maybe even grandkids I had to be prepared.

What I truly need is someone who wants me in their life. Someone who is intelligent, caring, compassionate, passionate, funny, and loving. Someone who has common sense, a desire to explore together - explore by expanding our knowledge and life experiences - someone who brings calm to my life as I do to their life. Someone who knows how to woo and court a woman. Someone who know how to communicate. If they happen to be 5'9" and are carrying an extra 5-10lbs, I will still be able to love them.

He sat on one end of the sofa. I sat on the other end. We watched the movie and when it was over, he went home. BFNM just so happen to call as Hardbody was leaving. BFNM lifted my spirits.

It's Sunday - has Hardbody even called or sent an email to inquire how I am feeling? No.

Decision affirmed: Hardbody is history. For good. No more chances. He is just too immature and selfish.


sbukophile said...

Oh, I'm so glad that you have decided not to continue with him as a BF! He sounds likes fun if that's all you want (and are willing to pay for everything and do all the work). But he does not sound like relationship material at all! There are so many ways to be thoughtful and giving without spending money and it doesn't sound like he gets that.

Two Roads said...

He's not ready to date any one on so many levels. Best I steer clear. He and I have had enough "trying". I don't have it in me any more. And that's ok by me. I would be shortchanging myself if I settled for the kind of relationship he wants. No thanks!

Paperback Writer said...

I'm glad that you're not with him. Sheesh!

Two Roads said...

PW - I am just as exasperated! :)

Leezer said...

Two Roads:
I was concerned when you wrote in an earlier post that he wished you were a "hardbody," and when he wanted to split an entree. Red flags went up, and I'm releived you aren't going to spend any more energy on him. He sounds shallow.

I'm with you. While I try to take care of myself, I would never let a person's outward appearance - within reason - cloud the way I felt about the person inside. I have met bald overweight men who were HOT because of their personalities, and supposedly attractive men who were unattractive due to their personalities. Always always always trust your gut!

Paperback Writer said...

I got exasperated reading your experience!

Two Roads said...

Leezer, thanks for the trust your gut advice. I know that is perhaps what my gut was saying and Friday - not feeling well - I was pushed to the "I really don't care anymore" stage. He had and will never change and I'm tired of men and their "arm candy" needs. So be it and I'm the better and healthier for it!

ramblin rose said...

I do hope the karma gods land upon you and get you and BFNM together soon.....

Hang in there....