The Story of BFNM - Part 3

As soon as the new/old girl had returned to Florida, he called. I told him everything I knew up until that point. We brainstormed. He rehearsed what he was going to do and say. He didn’t go into work on the day that was originally scheduled for his return. He called another colleague who worked at the company. I tried to tell him to be very careful with the information he gave or received from the colleague. I have very good skills at seeing people for who they are or are not. I didn’t trust this colleague to give BFNM information that would be in BFNM’s best interest. To his credit, BFNM was able to negotiate his severance without ever facing his boss. I had a hard time holding myself together when he came in to collect his things and take his staff out for lunch. BFNM exudes class and he showed everyone in that office that day how to do it. I was very proud to know that I was his friend.

However, something was going on in his head that I didn’t know about. Remember, we had this deal that if he wanted to tell me what was going on in his relationship he would bring it up first. We dressed (better than business attire but less than formal) for dinner and I treated him to a very nice (yes, of course of the company) meal at an expensive restaurant. Dessert came and he finally told me what had been on his mind. New/old girl had asked him to marry her while they were on their getaway. Yep, you heard that right – she asked him. She had already done research of chapels in the area and was ready to elope. What did I tell you about women chasing him? Don’t do it.

He was breaking it off. He was no more ready to marry her than he was ready to go to church on a weekly (or even more) basis. While there was some romance going on, he was troubled by her new religion. While he didn’t mind her having it, he didn’t have the need to find it himself. He is perfectly happy in how he practices his “faith” but that wasn’t good enough for her. He also was troubled how she treated service people (the concierge, wait staff, the Starbucks baristas, etc.). She has an air of pretentiousness about her with the expectation that everyone is there to notice and serve her. The marriage proposal coming from her seven weeks after they had just started dating and being fired was just all too much.

His mother told him not to worry she wasn’t the person for him because there was somebody else out there for him. If I had heard, his mother say that, I would have gotten up and given her a great big hug. The next few weeks were a blur to say the least. We spent just about every dinner together during the week. Weekends we would get together for lunch, dinner or both. (We’re still platonic here folks. We still had that same peck on the lips or a hug to end the “non-dates.”)

You’re probably wondering why I call them “non-dates.” To me this is what dating means: 1) a man calls in advance to ask you out; 2) a man always picks you up at your place; 3) a man doesn’t talk about wanting to go out with other women; 4) your kissing involves some tongue action and your hugging has some wandering hand movement to it; 5) when you travel each has a little more than a general idea of the itinerary and you might perhaps offer to take and pickup your significant other from the airport; 6) you actually might end up staying at his place; 7) showing romance and wooing with little gifts, cards and letters (consider a gift could actually be an article from the newspaper that is interesting; or picking up one piece of Godiva chocolate just because; or making a video to show how much you care about someone); or 8) calling to say you were thinking of them just because.

Why were/are they non-dates? There is nothing ever planned. It would be 4pm and I would get a call – want to do dinner tonight? It could be 10am and I would call – want to meet me for coffee later? There was no chasing, wooing or romance. About the most romantic (always in my book) BFNM got was opening car doors, holding building doors open, pulling out a chair at the dinner table, or helping me with my jacket or wrap. Oh, I feel so special when he does those things, every single time. I, I always say “thank you.” To acknowledge the gesture lets him know I appreciate the gesture.