The Story of BFNM - Part 1

We met September, two years ago at work. I was in the midst of a bad relationship/breakup and so I never did pay attention to the "new guy.” I could tell he was a ladies' man and a flirt. What girl doesn't like to hear they look nice or pretty? Especially after I ended a relationship, where there was an analysis of every piece of food that went in my mouth, where anything I wore was never girly enough, where even 2 1/2 inch heels weren't sexy enough, and where he considered my friends and family persona non grata. Therefore, I flirted back. It was fun. I smiled and laughed again.

Once I build a certain comfort level with someone, I'm a very upfront person. So one day when he was in my office after I had finally gotten around to reading his resume, I directly asked him - What was he doing working for this company? Nothing in his background suited the role for which he was hired. He is much more intelligent than anyone is in that organization. He definitely has potential to work at far more prestigious companies. He was a little startled but he opened up and said he was only there to build contacts for his next venture. He needed a venue in order to court people and this company open doors to the people he would not otherwise be able to have access. I guess you could say it was the beginning of trusting one another.

It took me four more months before I finally felt comfortable to ask him if he would like to have dinner together. My second, and last cat, had died and I was finding a new freedom in days that did not center on insulin shots and feedings. He obliged me by meeting for drinks and dinner. Four hours and two bottles of wine later was the beginning of many more dinners, lunches, coffees, and bookstore wanderings. It was also the beginning of everyone having an opinion on whether we were dating or not. We shared details of our lives but about as intimate as we got was a hug at the end of spending time together. It was four more months until we began the "non-intimate" peck on the lips. You girls know what I'm referring. You get that kiss from your close friends and family. No tongue. No indication there will even be tongue.

He went on vacation for a month the summer of 2005. He was in London when the subway/bus bombings occurred. I was frightened for him and yet I could not display such emotions. We text messaged and I was relieved he was safe and out of harm's way. He went from London to Saudi Arabia to Lebanon and then back to London before he returned to the States. He has a great friend that has homes in Saudi Arabia and Lebanon who had invited him to tour the countries on business. More bombings/kidnappings. He indulged me with text messages every other day. I gave him the longest hug on his return. My feelings were growing. However, I had vowed never to chase a man again. I can be stubborn. I was not going to chase him. If he wanted to change the way things were between us, he was going to have to do the wooing and chasing. Funny thing is - he doesn't like women to chase him. He enjoys the wooing and chasing. One thing was totally evident, our friendship was indeed growing.

He spent Labor Day weekend in Florida, came back to Atlanta and told me he was beginning to see someone. It was a girl he had dated several years back and wanted to see if she had changed and they could rekindle their romance. It was not my time. He had decided he was going to leave the company and began making a move on the contacts he had generated. We talked about what our friendship meant to each other. I told him of the time I was very close to another man and how his wife was very jealous. No matter how many woman out there have no problem crossing "over the line" when it comes to men in committed relationships, I have no desire to go down that path. The marital counselor told the other man he had to discontinue contact with me. I was crushed. I told BFNM I just couldn't do that again. He assured me that he wouldn't let his new relationship come between the friendship and support that we were building. He needed me to trust him. I was afraid but I too needed to trust him.